What are some of Steven Wright's one-liners?

Some of Steven Wright's one-liners include, "Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow." "He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, 'Yes, but not right now.' " "I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it."

Steven Wright began performing comedy in 1979, and since then he has appeared on the stage, in film and on television. His jokes are often delivered in the form of one-liners that don't really make sense, and he uses irony and philosophy to confuse his audiences. Besides comedy, Wright also dabbles in music and film making.

Other examples of Steven Wright's one-liners include:

• "I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me and I didn't hear it."
• "I invented the cordless extension cord."
• "I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went 'Aaaahhhh.' "
• "I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil."
• "I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
• "I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
• In my house, there's a light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."